Thursday, January 13, 2011

"THEY" Changed The Zodiac Signs Around

Since theyve added a new zodiac sign... I wonder how many of yall got a tattoo that doesnt match ur sign now?! I mean WTF is an Ophiuchus anyway?! I feel the same way about the new zodiac as I did when they added the white ranger to the power rangers. They gotta change the zodiac sign song now: "I SAID WHATS THAT #1 ZODIAC SIGN?!?!?!?! IS IT TAURUS?! NO!!! IS IT LIBRA?! NO!!! GO OPHIUCHUS, ITS YA BIRTHDAY!!" See & yall thought the illuminati was fake?! Who else got the power 2 add a damn zodiac sign? Next thing u know they gonna add another month called Septoberary. 
Astronomer Parke Kunkle reports that changes in the alignment of the Earth have made the science behind our astrological signs change, as well as have an addition of a 13th sign, Ophiuchus. This change has apparently  been coming throughout the years, as the 12 original signs were set almost 3,000 years ago. But the change over the years in the position of the earth in relation to the sun have created a need to revamp the astrological signs.

So, what does this new change mean for all those people worldwide who turn to their astrological horoscope for guidance? Have they been misled all these years by following the wrong sign? Well, apparently for a lot of us, we have. Here is the new breakdown of astrological signs. Take a look and see where you fall now:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16

Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11

Pisces: March 11-April 18

Aries: April 18-May 13

Taurus: May 13-June 21

Gemini: June 21-July 20

Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10

Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16

Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30

Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23

Scorpio: Nov. 23-Nov. 29

Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17

Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20

Now, what about this new sign, Ophiuchus? What does it mean? What are its traits?

In Greek mythology, Ophiuchus was Aesclepius, Master Architect, Healer, and God of Wisdom. He has always been a part of the zodiac belt, but until now was never included in the Western astrological breakdown. As the story goes, Aesclepius was a Greek God of medicine and, when trying to bring Orion the Hunter back to life, was taken down by Zeus and cast to the sky with the Greek name Ophiuchus.

Personally, I have never really held a lot of weight in reading my horoscopes and using them as a guideline for what I do. Looking at these astrological changes now, I am glad I never did. Had I been following the horoscopes of Cancer, which was my sign, I would have been following the wrong thing. Though I thought the description of a person born under the cancer sign had always fit me, I wonder if I just saw what I wanted to see. I guess, like most everyone now, I will have to take a look at my new sign, Gemini, and see what it has to say.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Best Street Talent Ever

This guy is the best street talent I have ever seen. My mama wouldn't let me play with her pots & pans though so I cant get with him, but I bet he don't wanna see me on the drums for Guitar Hero!

Crank Dat Moon Walk

A guy at a Heat vs. Bobcats game goes off! I thought he was like one of Michael Jackson's former back-up dancers or maybe he has just been playing "The Michael Jackson Experience" on the Wii for too long. I know I have.

JOHN Q 3:16

Wouldn't it be nice if there was a Denzel Washington & Will Smith movie?! I think I should be in there somewhere too cause they will need a touch of sexy somewhere in there.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

VeriPhone 4

With AT&Ts 5 year monopoly contract with Apple ending this year, another phone company has decided to scoop up the iPhone like a ground ball. All I can say is that AT&T better get their shit together cause Verizon looking good wit dem soft lips *Drake Voice*. The iphone 4 will be available for pre order on February the 3rd and it will be available to purchase on February the 10th. The best phone with the best coverage equals... Cha-Ching! Something tells me that this is gonna be an interesting year for cellular devices.

The iphone remains $199 for the 16GB & $299 for the 32GB... However there are some changes.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

"An Eternal Allegiance"

An infinite sea of words translated into any language would never be enough to flood the canals of apathetic ears.

The cantankerous allegiance that binds us is eternal and measures beyond the continuation of calendar years.

Upon the expiration of my earthly existence, I want nothing more than for the heavens to open and your smile to shine down like the warm rays of the sun.

My jubilant memories of you will forever play on a never-ending loop within the depths of my mind as your voice commentates each and every one.

Your beautiful mind has left footprints across the hearts of many and your heart has been stretched to cover all corners of the earth.

Your departure from this realm is not only a junction to another realm, but a prerequisite to a far more meaningful birth.

My refusal to utter the words farewell  has driven me to produce a benediction and a cordial salute.

For my dark clouds will soon subside and our eternal alliance will inevitably be renewed.


Thursday, December 16, 2010

Shawty In The Tub Got Some Fiyah Head!

You see shorty in the tub?! Well things she's about to get a little hot headed. At Diddy's Last Train To Paris album release party, Kevin Hart, Trey Songz, & Fab was in a room with some ladies away from the main party and things started to heat up... literally!

No Hands Acoustic Cover Better Than Original

People are freaking out because this white guy said the "N" word during his acoustic cover of "No Hands", but I gave him a "get out of dead free" card. It sounds better than the original. I bet Lauryn Hill & Erykah Badu wanna do it wit no hands now.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I Think Yeezy Taught This Robot

Satan Claus

        Am I the only one that notices that Santa is just a couple of jumbled up letters from being Satan?! Who else is sinister enough to give away presents to everybody on someone else's birthday? Who else breaks into everyone else's houses and steals their food? Who else knows when you are sleeping and knows when you're awake? Who else thinks free year round child labor is cool?... Yea those aren't elves! It's an example of illegal child labor and i'm calling Obama and telling him to leave Iraq and move to the North Pole!! Why you think all your toys say "made in China"? Who does that?! Satan Claus... That's who! I rebuke you Santa & you may have fooled ehhbody else, but you ain't got to come and confess cause I'm looking for you... and I'm gone find you!

My Santa Claus Is Black & I'll Be Got Damn If My Rims Ain't Too!

        Willie Earl Claus was facing charges for home invasion, but all charges were dropped when all witnesses of the robbery mysteriously disappeared. His record was expunged and he was able to get a job as a mechanic at a local shop. He then began to volunteer at the local YMCA as a basketball coach for troubled youth. Every Christmas he would get the children toys if they were good. His kids by all of his "Ho Ho Hoes" and baby mamas would make the toys for the children. Willie Earl then realized that he enjoyed bringing joy to the hearts of people in his gang infested black community and would like to do that for all of the little kids around the world. Willie Earl Claus then hopped in his Delta Eighty-Eight and drove straight home to let his current baby mama, "Shemeka Claus", know about his brilliant idea! Shemeka wasn't too thrilled about spending her foodstamps and WIC on a bunch of crumb snatchers that she didn't even know, but after Willie Earl layed that North Pole on her in the bedroom she was like "Ok daddy"!
        Willie Earl Claus, Shemeka, & all of his kids moved North to an undisclosed location, but i'm pretty sure it was like Queens New York or some shit like that! Willie Earl bought a Cadillac sleigh bed WIT SOME D's On DAT BITCH to haul all those toys in, but he didn't have the anything to pull his sleigh yet cause he was still waiting on his FEMA check to come through. After his FEMA check came, Willie Earl bought some magic pit bulls from Mike Vick to lead his leigh around the world. With his past experiences with home invasions it was easy for Willie Earl Claus to break into homes and leave presents instead of taking them this time. He was now ready to run for the new Santa Clausial Office in 2008. He would be the 1st black Santa Claus in office. Willie Earl was no go for the new Santa Claus so he changed his name to Barak OSanta. 

Show Me What You Social Networking Wit

Some people prefer twitter. Some people prefer facebook. Hell, some people even prefer myspace and black planet, but we can all agree that each person strongly prefers one over the other. Me myself... No comment, but I think that facebook is trying too hard to steal all the features from other social networking sites to make a mega social networking site and they are on the right track to end up like myspace---> Irrelevant #Oops Did I say that aloud?! #KanyeShrug Anywaydoe... Facebook was fun when it was in its simplest form and you had to have a college email to join. Now everybody and their mamas are on facebook... No i'm for real... like literally "everybody and their mamas"! Twitter is like thinking aloud with little voices in your head that respond to your every thought and you can read everyone else's thoughts. Sounds like a tool that i've been looking for my whole life.

Do It Wit No Hands

So this woman does absolutely nothing with her hands and she's married! She literally does it wit no hands. I bet she gives the most expensive hand jobs, but I bet she goes HAM! How does she wipe her butt tho?! Does she have a designated butt wiper?